(A Contrast between the joy of true marital intimacy and the counterfeit of worldly sex.)

In society today, it’s nearly impossible to find anyone who understands the true meaning of the sexual relationship or what God designed it to be. How sad! However, I’m not certain it has been common knowledge for at least 2 millennia and maybe much longer.  In my grandparent’s generation, it was common to believe that Sex was for marriage only, (They got that part right) but it was to be used only for procreation. (Very wrong). Now it’s common to believe that Sex is just for physical pleasure and it can be done with anyone, anytime, anywhere. It can be done with someone of the opposite gender or someone of the same gender or even both at the same time. (must I say how wrong this is?!) We’ve gone from incomplete to outright perversion.  Therefore, I’ve decided to share some Truth and Wisdom.

In order to understand what God designed the sexual relationship for, we must go back to the creation story.  After God created Adam, He said, “It is not good for man to be alone. We will make a help meet for him.”  First, why was it not good for man to be alone? Well, Man, meaning male man was created to be only half of the equation. He was created with masculine qualities. He is to be the father – to emulate our Eternal Father in Heaven.  He is to be the provider and the protector. The one with more physical strength and more chiseled features. He will slay the dragons!  He would be different than woman. Much different! Woman or female man on the other hand  was designed with feminine features. She will be more spiritual, more nurturing, more charitable, softer in appearance and approach. She would be the mother. She is to nurture and love and is to emulate Jesus Christ.  Already we see that these differences are significant.  But what we’ve seemed to miss in modern culture is that these differences are not meant to make one better than the other. No! They are meant to make us equal but different in order to help us realize that we are NOT whole without our spouse.  Only when men and women unite as husband and wife, in all aspects of their lives, can they become truly whole or complete. The sexual relationship between husband and wife is to help in the process of becoming united, in becoming one.

Even though each man and each woman have their own identity, as they unite as husband and wife, they become a single unit. They become whole or complete. One cannot be complete without the other. This is one of the major reasons for the different genders. God knew that by making men and women so different from each other, it would take great work to unite them. That was also part of the plan. We need to learn about each other, the differences, and learn not just how to accept them, but how to cherish those differences. Further, the sexual relationship in marriage was designed to magnify our unity and bring us extremely close as a husband and wife. But it was also designed to give us a glimpse into Godliness.

After He married Adam and Eve, God said to them. “Multiply and replenish the earth that you may have joy in your posterity, and subdue it.” Too many have interpreted this scripture to mean, “have sex only to procreate within marriage.” But that is not it at all. Multiply and replenish seems to be understood at least to some degree. It basically means to have many children. I tease my children and others and tell them that the mathematical equation for multiply and replenish is as follows: Take the husband and wife and add them together. That equals 2 then Multiply 2 by 2. That equals 4. Then replenish each of you which is 2 more. Add them together and you get 6. So each married couple should have 6 children. Anything after that you get bonus points.  ;=)  It’s the subdue it phrase that most people misunderstand. It basically means that we are to keep the sexual relationship within the bounds that God has set. We are to control our sexual appetites and not allow them to control us! In other words we are to avoid sexual lust! The bounds God has set are as follows:  1) Sexual relations are to be kept within the marriage covenant. God married Adam and Eve. That was the first marriage covenant. That covenant included 3 people; Adam, Eve, and God. Only when we keep God as part of our marriage do we not only avoid the pitfalls that cause infidelity, but we reap the richness that marriage was meant to produce!  2) Do no sexual act that is “Unnatural”. 3) Perform no sexual act that offends the spirit of God, Your spirit or your spouse’s spirit. In order to do this, we must live in such a way that we have spiritual sensitivities. It’s impossible to follow step 3 if you have completely killed off your spiritual sensitivities by lust, perversion or other devious activities.

Only together, then, can they accomplish the great tasks that are before them. Only as a man and a woman are united in marriage can they bring forth children in the most supportive and meaningful way.  And only as a man and a woman are united in marriage can they become whole or complete. God designed it this way so we could become more like Him – More full of love, understanding, compassion, truth, virtue, honor, respect, fidelity, etc. It’s being united in marriage that brings us closest to Godhood. It’s a sure way to cast off the natural man and progress toward the celestial! The irony though is when we pervert it, we embrace the natural man and darken our spirits to the point that we become more like Satan. You see, the sexual relationship, as proscribed by God, will unite a man and woman emotionally, mentally, physically of course, and most notably, spiritually. It is only when we have reverence for ourselves, our spouse, and our God that we can unite in all 4 ways. And it can only be done within the bonds of marriage. Contrast this with worldly sex. Worldly sex is only physical gratification. How much more rewarding is marital intimacy!

Wendy Nelson, retired Professor, marriage counselor, and wife of a prominent religious leader says this about marital intimacy:

“As an important part of the expression of their love, the Lord wants a husband and wife to partake of the wonders and joys of marital intimacy.

Marital intimacy is ordained by God. It is commanded and commended by Him because it draws a husband and wife closer together and closer to the Lord! True marital intimacy involves the whole soul of each spouse.  It is the uniting of the body and the spirit of the husband with the body and the spirit of his wife.

That soulful union represents just how united a husband and wife are in all areas of their lives. They work together as partners. They pray, play, struggle, grow, and enjoy life together. They sacrifice for each other and encourage each other to be all they were born to be.

For true marital intimacy, the Holy Ghost needs to be involved. It is simply not possible to have the kind of intimate experiences outside of marriage that you can have within because the Spirit will not be present. On the other hand, anything that offends the Spirit will decrease your ability to be one with your spouse. Things such as anger, lust, unforgiveness, contention, immorality, and unrepented sin will reduce your attempt for marital intimacy to be something that is nothing more than a sexual experience.”

Wendy nails it with her description of marital intimacy and God’s desire that we partake in this glorious union. She goes on to contrast the significant differences between marital intimacy and worldly sex.

” While worldly sex is under the influence of the world and the adversary [Satan] and involves carnal, sensual, and devilish passions, God-ordained marital intimacy is under the influence of the Spirit and involves Spirit-enhanced and purified passions. The truth is, the more pure you are, the more marvelous your marital intimacy will be.

With worldly sex, anything goes. With marital intimacy, exquisite care is taken to avoid anything and everything—from language to music to movies—that offends the Spirit, your spirit, or your spouse’s.

While worldly sex is lustful and kills love, marital intimacy generates more love.

Worldly sex degrades men and women and their bodies, while marital intimacy honors men and women and celebrates the body as one of the great prizes of mortal life.

With worldly sex, individuals can feel used, abused, and ultimately more lonely. With marital intimacy, spouses feel more united and loved, more nurtured and understood.

Worldly sex ravages and eventually ruins relationships. Marital intimacy strengthens marriages. It supports, heals, and hallows the lives of spouses and their marriage.

Worldly sex has been likened to the toot of a flute, while marital intimacy has been likened to the grandeur of an entire orchestra.

Worldly sex becomes a total obsession because it never fulfills its promises. God-ordained marital intimacy is glorious and will continue eternally for covenant-keeping husbands and wives.”

I would add that worldly sex is rooted in lust, while marital intimacy is rooted in true love.

I love the term she uses, “Marital intimacy” to help contrast it with worldly sex!  I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather listen to the grandeur of a full orchestra than a single toot of a flute repeated over and over again! I’d much rather have the richness of marital intimacy ordained by God than the worldly counterfeit that degrades men and women and never keeps its promises. I’d much rather have the glory of marital intimacy than the obsession and lust of worldly sex. It’s no wonder that those who engage in worldly sex have to escalate and escalate their perversion in an attempt to gain “better” pleasure. While those engaged in marital intimacy never have a need to “escalate” because they have a rich tapestry of meaningful experiences to draw from. Their love for each other and their bond grows with each encounter! They unite emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. It is GRAND INDEED!

(G. Dean Wessendorf – © 2020)

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