(How to help your loved ones who suffer from mental illness)
Depression and anxiety seem to be the curse of this generation! No one seems to be immune. People from all walks of life are suffering. And all too often, they suffer alone and in silence. Therefore I thought I’d share some truth and wisdom I’ve learned over the past 4 decades suffering from both these debilitating illnesses.
Mental illness really is an illness. It amazes me that In today’s world with information at our fingertips, that there is still so much negative stigma associated with mental illness. All too often people think that their friends and family who suffer from mental illness can just will themselves better. They say things like, “just be happy.” As if the person suffering can just flip a switch and everything will be happy again and the darkness will be gone. But these same people who make this and other similar statements would never think of saying to their friend with a broken leg, “just walk it off. It’ll be ok. Come on, let’s go play.”
We all understand that there are times that medical intervention is needed. If you have a broken leg, it must be set and placed in a cast. Sometimes in more serious cases, surgery is required. The same is true with mental illness. Sometimes medical intervention is required. Medication can be helpful in some cases. But it must be understood by all involved that medication must not be a permanent solution. It is meant to be temporary. Other things are also required for the healing. Cognitive therapy is required in all cases. The brain must relearn things and make new neural-pathways that support eternal truth. This often requires counseling from a competent Theropist. Further, learning skills that you can do at home will speed up the healing process. Much like physical therapists who help individuals regain physical mobility and strength, skills practiced at home can help heal mental Illness much faster.
If you have a loved one who suffers from depression or anxiety, please help them by doing the following:
- Encourage them. But this must be done correctly. Telling a depressed or anxious person that they should just “stop it” or “those are just words and feelings from Satan” will only make matters worse. If you tell them either of these statements or anything similar they will interpret it to mean that the depression or anxiety or both is their fault. Which is miles from the truth. With the latter statement, they will think, “so, I’m a Satan follower. This just validates my feelings of worthlessness. The world would be better off without me.” So be very careful with the words you use. It’s much better to say things like, “I love you!” “How can I help?” “What can I do for you that will help you feel better!” “I believe in you!” “You are an amazing person.” “My life would be empty without you.” See the difference? They may act like they don’t believe you. And they may not believe it at first. But don’t stop saying it. But you have to believe it before they will. So be sincere!
My wife wrote me the following poem when I was in a deep depression. It was very helpful to me because I felt her love and commitment to me and my health.
“I sit here and read your thoughts, my heart breaking anew.
What can I do? What can I say? For you to know I love YOU!
I know your heart, I feel your pain, I’m tied up all inside. To see you unhappy day by day prompts how much I’ve cried.
Your pain is deep but so is your love! Your courage is so great! I stand all amazed with awe and love, your greatness, there is no debate!
Tenderness, I try to show you every passing day.
I hope to think that in a way, it gives you some relief. (It does give me some relief!)
I’ll try forever to win your love, to be just what you need. To lose you would be to lose my heart, this just cannot be.
We, forever, are one vessel. This will ALWAYS be,
Striving together is the way, we’ll see eternity.
The pain you feel is not you, it robs you of yourself. True and abounding love from Christ will fill your shelf!
I’m here for you, I’ll stay true, of that you need not fear. Let’s find your cure, let’s find your peace, It’s source is very near!
You are magnificent! You are so sweet! I thrill at your kind words! You need to know, the kind words you speak, are the real you, fighting to show.
I love the way you strive each day to be a man of love!
The man I see is truly great, he is my man of God!”
(Jodie LaRae Wessendorf)
2. Try to get them professional help. But they must be willing. You cannot force it upon them. You can’t drag them to counseling. They will just resent you for that. But you can do this: “I’ve been studying and did you know that depression or anxiety can be completely cured in most cases and in the few cases that it isn’t, it can be managed with great success. Would you be willing too…” then ask them to go to counseling or study materials that help with cognitive therapy.
3. If they are suicidal, never leave them alone no matter how much they say they want to be alone. Hide anything that they can use as a weapon against themself.
4. Do your research and find programs and books that will help in the cognitive reprogramming of the brain. The brain is an amazing organ! Yes, it can be reprogrammed. It doesn’t matter how old a person is either. Cognitive therapy works just as well in a 90 year old brain as it does in a 20 year old brain.
5. Be a true friend or loved one. Do as Christ would do. Show pure love and real commitment. Sacrifice for them. They will notice and it will have meaning.
The power of pure love is very real! Christ is the perfect example of this! The atonement is also very real and can and should be used in the healing process. In my book, Look Up and Live, I share in detail how a person can apply the atonement in their life. I explain it in a step-by-step process that anyone can understand and follow. I credit my healing and happiness to the gospel of Christ and the atonement of Christ. One of the most important things I’ve done throughout my adult life is to keep the sabbath day holy. I had no idea at the time the great power it would have in helping me manage anxiety and depression and keep me from suicide. Never underestimate the power of keeping the commandments! There is much more to them than meets the eye. (See my blog titled, “The Commandments, what is their real purpose?”)
Visit my blog often. There will be a lot more on this topic in the future. It is my desire to help as many as I can who suffer from these debilitating mental illnesses.
G. Dean Wessendorf