It’s More Than Many Realize.
Few people would disagree that infidelity causes heart ache, distress, turmoil, divorce, and trauma. But also, few realize that fidelity is more than avoiding sexual contact with someone who isn’t your spouse. Therefore, I thought sharing some truth and wisdom seemed appropriate.
The violation one feels from the overwhelming betrayal of infidelity cannot be explained in words. It strikes at the very depths of one’s soul. To have a spouse violate themself, another, and their husband or wife is unthinkable! The pain felt by the loyal spouse is wrenching! The trauma felt by the couple’s children is unforgivable! The so called professionals give dozens of reasons why men and women cheat. But they can all be boiled down to just one. It’s called selfishness! Far too many people live in the state of selfishness. In fact that is the state of the natural man. The “law”, if you will, of this fallen Telestial world is selfishness. Their are no thoughts of fairness for a selfish person. They can’t even go there because “fairness” is the law of the Terrestrial world. It’s so much of a higher law that a selfish person cannot even comprehend it. Let alone, the law of the Celestial, which is “charity” or perfect love.
Fidelity is a powerful word and it’s meaning is far more than most realize. The Webster 1828 dictionary says this about fidelity: 1) “faithfulness; careful and exact observance of duty. 2) firm adherence to a person with whom you are united. 3) honesty; veracity; adherence to truth.” As you can see the meaning of fidelity is very nearly to that of integrity. Fidelity assumes honesty, truth, faithfulness, veracity, and strict adherence to those you are united with. In marriage, fidelity is a requirement. And when it is violated trust is broken and the bond that was once there is shattered.
There are three main types of fidelity.
- Sexual
- Emotional
- Financial
Sexual fidelity is the one that most people think of when talking about fidelity in marriage. And it is usually the most devastating when broken. Sexual fidelity means to have complete integrity toward your spouse sexually. That means you don’t even think about sexual relations of any kind with another. Fantasies are off limits. Looking upon another with lust is taboo. Having any kind of sexual contact with another besides your spouse is a severe violation. To have sexual fidelity in marriage means you are pure in thought and deed. Christ said that anyone who looks upon another to lust after them has already committed adultery in their heart. Adultery is one of the most serious sins. It is second only to murder in the sight of God. Further, God tells us, “I delight in the chastity of women”. Chastity is of the utmost importance to our creator. Therefore, it must be of the utmost importance to us. After 34 years of marriage I’m happy to report that my marriage is strong because neither my wife nor I even think about others in any kind of sexual way. In fact the very thought of it is repulsive. That’s when you know you’ve master sexual fidelity in your marriage, when you can’t even imagine sexual relations with anyone other than your spouse.
Emotional fidelity ties into sexual fidelity. It is the most common form of infidelity in women. Emotional fidelity means that you are bonded emotionally only with your spouse. He or she is your best friend! They are your emotional rock. Your most personal feelings, thoughts, desires, etc are shared only with your spouse. Emotional infidelity is when you become attached or bonded emotionally with another. And you prefer to talk with them over your spouse. You are excited to see them and would rather be with them than your spouse. This is dangerous ground and often results in sexual infidelity. But even when it does not, it still damages marriages and keeps you from the sweetness of a completely harmonious marriage.
Financial fidelity is one that very few seem to know about. It means that there are no secrets about money in your marriage. If spouses have different accounts, the other spouse has full access to them. One spouse does not make financial decisions without the consent of the other. Financial infidelity causes just as many divorces as sexual infidelity. Therefore, it must be just as strongly considered and protected as sexual fidelity. Those who have been victims of financial infidelity report that the violation, trauma, and betrayal are every bit as real and painful as sexual infidelity.
Marriage is a uniting of a man and woman emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. No other union or friendship is like marriage. When God created Adam and Eve, he said, “let them be one”. If we truly understand the great significance of marriage, we would do everything in our power to insure that we have absolute fidelity in that sacred union! As I’ve written in other blogs, (“Helpmeet, the Grandeur and Strength of Woman.” “Marital Intimacy, a Gift from God.” And “What Sex was Meant to Be” along with others) women and men are completely different but also complementary. God made us to fit together like a puzzle with exactness. When we unit in all aspects then we are able to see the full beauty and grandeur of our marital picture. As we do so we realize that we cannot discern which piece is his and which is hers. When this happens you know you’ve had a lifetime of complete fidelity in marriage. Nothing is more beautiful than a marriage with complete fidelity!
Fidelity is both a virtue and an action. Those who live by it are those of great character. They are also people who enjoy trust from others and have joy in life. Fidelity can be a part of every aspect of your life. The Pope recently called for fidelity within the church. Society, marriages, and individuals will be better off as we are, “faithful, honest, have veracity, adhere to truth, practice careful exactness in our responsibilities, and adhere to our spouse, country, and religion With complete devotion.” In other words, we all can benefit from fidelity in every aspect of our lives.
(G. Dean Wessendorf – 2020)