(It’s not what you think)

There may not be any other concept more misunderstood in all of scripture than that of the patriarchal order. Therefore, I thought it could be helpful if I shared some truth and wisdom on the topic. 

For some reason, anytime the word patriarch or any version of that word is mentioned, people tend to think of men being in charge. Some even get upset at the mere mention of the word. But that belief is not even close to being accurate. 

The patriarchal order has a whole lot to do with sealing lines and organization and very little to do with control or who may be in charge or running things. What people seem to get confused about is the birthright and how it plays into the patriarchal order. Because the oldest male child born to any husband and wife had claim to the birthright and thus the family inheritance, people today confuse that with males being superior or being treated superior over females. But the birthright was much more of a responsibility than it was an honor or privilege. You see, the one who received the birthright was in charge of providing for and protecting the entire family, including siblings, their spouses and their children once his father had passed away. He became the father substitute. The inheritance was to be used for that purpose. This was a way to insure the family would always be provided for. And any adult female siblings that were not married would live in the house with the brother who held the birthright so he could continue to provide for her until she married or died. 

In my book, Look Up and Live, I share this thought: “As the first born, Christ has the birthright. With that birthright comes the responsibility to care for the rest of God’s children when we are separated from our [Eternal Father]. It also gave him the privilege of inheriting all that the Father has.” Christ holds the birthright for the entire human family. With that comes the privilege to inherit all the Father has, yes. But it also comes with a very heavy price tag. Anytime I think of the great responsibility that Christ holds and how His atonement caused him so much humiliation and suffering, so much so that he bled from every pore, I am in awe and wonder of his great love and care for his siblings – all of us.  But never do I think that God’s a sexist or male man is superior to female man, or that the patriarchal order means men run things because women can’t. (All the things I hear from others these days.) No! What I do think is, “I’m so grateful for God’s plan, His love for his children, Christ, and Christ’s love for his siblings including me personally.” I also think, that “I’m grateful that it wasn’t me who had to hold the birthright.” I have serious doubts that I could have pulled it off. I mean, I really don’t think I could have even if I had all the same experiences and benefits Christ had. In fact, I don’t think anyone of us except Christ could have. That’s the reason he was chosen to hold the birthright. 

Further, how was God to handle the sealing lines when a man took a woman to wife? Normally, she would have been born into the covenant and therefore sealed to her father and mother. But once she is married, she is sealed to her husband. So what sealing line is she then a part of? God handled this by bringing the wife into the sealing line of the husband. (This is what is meant by the patriarchal order. The sealing line follows male man.) This is one of the reasons the temple sealing ceremony used to ask the woman if she would give herself to her husband. That question, in essence, meant, “will you come into the sealing line of your new husband and become a part of his eternal family?” This is also one of the reasons that male man would propose to female man and why the wife would take upon her the surname of her husband. The wife would literally leave father and mother and join with her husband to become a new family unit under the sealing order of her husbands family line. She no longer would be sealed to her father’s priesthood line. This was such a big deal for a female that God felt it necessary to ask her specifically if she would accept that. Never has God violated our agency and he never will. Therefore, he posed this question to all brides who knelt at an alter in His holy temple across from her male fiancé. Why this was taken out of the sealing ceremony I don’t know. I once asked one of the twelve this question but he declined to answer. However, I do think it may have been because it was so misunderstood by so many that it distracted from the spirit of that sacred ceremony. 

In addition, women’s agency regarding her sealing to her husband is of such great importance that Brigham Young said this, “every wife sealed to her husband will have the opportunity to kneel at an heavenly alter and say yes once again to her husband.” Which means she can also say no. That means that us men need to make sure we are constantly working to insure our wife is happy and feels our love. I don’t know about other husbands but I’d be heart broken if my wife said no at that heavenly alter. 

Now, one other point should be made here. When it comes to authority in the priesthood regarding our family, the male man is not the boss! If you understand what happens in the temple you will understand that male man is to act symbolically as God the father and female man is to act symbolically as Jesus Christ in the family. What is the order of heaven? God the father holds a council with Christ and others and they decide on the course of action. Make no mistake, there is absolute unanimous agreement before the plan is put into place. If there is any question, those questions will be resolved before the plan is put into place. Once it is agreed upon then God the father directs and presides. Others follow through with their assignments – the assignments that they agreed to in the counsel. God the father and Jesus Christ are in complete unity. This is exactly how husband and wife are to work within the family. They hold counsels together. Sometimes also with the children. Once agreement is reached then the father directs and presides over the plan. But he never ever practices unrighteous dominion by saying something like, “it’s my way or the highway.” I once asked my wife if she would have any issue following a husband who acted as God the father acts. Her response was an enthusiastic no. She said she would be thrilled to follow that lead. In fact, most women would be delighted if there husbands would take the lead regarding spiritual matters in the home. 

So we see that the patriarchal order is just that, order. God’s house is a house of order. Male man is NOT more important that female man! They are equal, but of course, they have different roles. Women bare and nurture children while men have priesthood responsibility to provide and care for their families. They take those different roles and all their male and female differences and unite them to become complete. Only together can they truly be whole. And that too is part of the patriarchal order. Husband and wife together as one lead their family in righteousness. 

(G. Dean Wessendorf – © 2020)

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